my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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