i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
