Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
