We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
