Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
