so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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