Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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