JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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