I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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