glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
