I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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