Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
