It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
