Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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