No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
