so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
