So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
