New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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