You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
