just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
