Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
