Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
