I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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