There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
