she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
