just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
