He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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