I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
