If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
