Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
