what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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