I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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