My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
