what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
