Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
