sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
