Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Panties = found
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
