I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
