Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
