I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
