Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
