You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
