we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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