eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
