Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
