It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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