She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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