you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
