so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
