My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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