I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
